Unmanageable

I’m surrounded. My sins and temptations are closing in on me. I’m stuck. My efforts to celebrate are swallowed by guttural groans. Still God upholds me: over wilderness and water, He overcomes my fleshy failings and fills my emptiness with love. 2 Ne. 4: 18-21

Gratitude

Today's talks about gratitude were beautiful. Receiving all of life's experiences with thanksgiving: believing that by His grace, everything will "give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

Inspiring Addict

One inspiring addict in timeseries: 1 2

Introduction

Hi, my name is Scott and I am a sinner/addict.

The nice and the terrifying part of my introductory line is that it strips away my self-justification and whatever part of my self-confidence is tied to it. “Step 1: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.” Accomplished in one sentence.

Background

I admire the moral courage that I have seen in recovering addicts: I have been jealous of their willingness to admit that they are wrong or need help: that their lives have become unmanageable.

I attended a Church-sponsored addiction group as an assignment for a class. It was an impressive spiritual outpouring with everyone focusing on repentance and changing and dropping their pretenses.

I decided to try to look at my life from this powerful perspective. "You have heard it said that the Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried." (JEF)

Anything that I continue to do despite repeated negative consequences? Seems like any sin could fall into this category. Especially under the definition that sin is doing something other than what your heart tells you you should (see Bonds That Make Us Free).

So there it is. I'm a daily user who is just starting to admit that I have a problem. And I intend to work through "A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing", trying to change.

Don't Just Talk: Teach

Although it is a good start, it is not enough to do what I know: I also have to teach what I know. It is psychologically comfortable (read: pride) to consider myself the lone righteous in a crumbling world, but Christ is not interested in the selfish ‘sanctity’ that hopes to be saved alone. Teaching and learning build exalting sociality: lone-righteousness is full of sorrow.

Willing heart

Elijah asks the twelve tribes them to bring their buckets of slimy, disgusting sins forward and pour them on the Altar.
Dripping sins overflow the altar and fill the trench.
But “the fire of the Lord … licked up the water that was in the trench” and Jesus accepted their sacrifice. (1 Kgs. 18: 33-35, 38)

Power, Love, and a Sound Mind

Heavenly Father wants you to think about what you do and don’t know; choose to bless others; and do what you know you should. He will help you: His is the power and glory, forever.

That in me ye might have peace

When the hard times come, you’re not going to faithfully stand by: you’re going to run away with your tail between your legs. And you’ll look back on that and feel hateful about yourself. But I don’t want you to feel hateful about yourself: I want you to be peaceful. I knew you would mess up: I knew when and how and how big you were going to mess up, and I still love you; I still choose you. The more of your sins I forgive, the more you’ll love me. Let me at them! And when you’re done taking the test, I’ll be standing there at the teacher’s desk, ready to clear up the places where you got stuck. I’ll take care of your failings: you just focus on trying to get my work done.

Communication

The council of God to a prophet secluded in quietude from a sinful society: “Get out of your cave.”

Birds and Lilies

Give us this day our daily bread… just like the other 6,772,894,934 people on the planet.…

I guess I don’t typically picture Heavenly Father as part of the daily grind, but His daily feeding of the 6.8 billion is just as miraculous as the distant feeding of 5 thousand. He is more constant and less fleeting than I typically consider.

Believe

Southern hospitality means taking in someone who is filthy, exhausted, broken down, and not “deserving” and providing abundantly for them. When I provide abundantly for another, I offer the opportunity to believe that God will also provide abundantly.

Prayer

Matt. 6: 9-13

“Heavenly Father, You are the Best.

I want do everything I can today to help Thy kingdom come.

I want to do Thy will on earth as if I was already in heaven.

In the day in front of me, I’ll work, mess up, get hurt, and be tempted.

My work doesn’t help anyone without Thy help; Give us our daily bread.

My messes are bigger than the best clean-up efforts; forgive us our debts.

My hurts are too deep to get to the bottom of; forgive our debtors.

My temptations find me wanting; deliver us from evil.

I want to work for Thy kingdom, Thy power, and Thy glory, come what may. Amen.”

Job Description

May I do what the Lord does: deliver and enlarge.

Drop Your Weapons

To be armed with God’s power, I need to drop all my typical weapons— feigning disbelief, declaring someone incompetent, getting angry; anything that I grasp at in an effort to pierce my opponent—and extend God’s out-stretched arm of mercy.

Raw Humanity

"We can't become more like Jesus by becoming less human, less physical, less emotional, less involved with our families, less associated with socially or morally undesirable people. We don't become more spiritual by becoming less human."—Eugene Peterson, Tell It Slant (2008), p 45

Example

1 Tim. 4: 12
Let no man despise thy youth; and despise no man’s youth,
nor his lack of cleanliness, morality, or social uprightness.
but be thou an example of the believers, loving as God loves,
pouring out rain and sun on “good” and “evil”;
nurturing, nourishing, especially when they are far astray
in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.

Worship Him in Spirit and in Truth

Christ warned equally against the worship of God via the body only (outward ordinances) or spirit only (inward intimations). What a beautiful redemption, to know that my worship would be incomplete without the faulty efforts of my corruptible body! God loves me, both body and spirit.

Beyond teaching me about my nature, God’s nature is reflected in righteous worship. Worshiping God via my body/actions only is wrong because it ignores God's Spirit. Worshiping God via my spirit/faith only is wrong because it ignores God's Body.

“Spirit and element, inseparably connected, receive a fulness of joy”.

Reality

“Heavenly Father has arms. Do you have arms? Show me your arms.

Heavenly Father has hands. Do you have hands? Show me your hands.

Heavenly Father has a face. Do you have a face? Touch your face.

You are a real person. Heavenly Father is a real person.” (source)

My Family

When I look at people, I should recognize the resemblance to Heavenly Father, both spiritual and physical, placed in every person so that I would be ever mindful of my own and my neighbor’s familial relationship with Deity. Rather than cringing at dissonant connections between perfect Father and wayward child, I should “Look and behold the condescension of God!” and “Listen to him who is the advocate with the Father, who is pleading your cause [and their causes] before him”. God who “made of one blood all nations of men”, gathered “together in one the children of God that were scattered abroad.” Siblings, though far from perfect, are worth all the love I can give. As I internalize this, my heritage as God’s son and Christ’s disciple will shine through.

Father

Christ taught: God is “your heavenly Father”: “your Father which is in heaven”. He is perfect. He knows your needs precisely and gives generously. He forgives you; He rewards you. Whether you are good or evil, He makes his rain fall and his sun rise on you. Lest you conclude that “my Father in heaven” and “your Father in heaven” are different, kneel with Christ as He prays to “Our Father which art in heaven”. Out of the profound depth of His soul Christ pleads “that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven”. 

Your heavenly Father is more your Father than your earthly father: you are more heavenly than earthly.

Values

Alma 34: 29

If ye do not remember to be charitable,

ye are as dross,

which the refiners do cast out,

(it being of no worth)

 and is trodden under foot of men.

My value to the Refiner is the value that I place on others. When I value others at some finite level, I am also valuing God, their Creator and the One who loved them first (1 Jn. 4: 19), at that level. That is what makes setting someone “at naught” so terribly debasing.

“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. [It] is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours.” –C.S. Lewis

Similarly, if I value God at a finite level (i.e. if my devotion to Him can be sold or de-prioritized), then I value all His children and creations at or below that level, including ironically, myself. To increase my value, I must increase the value that I place on others and on God.

I am commanded to love God (i.e. recognize God's infinite value) by loving (valuing at infinite) others, and to love myself as I love others. Acting in accordance with the infinite value of self, others, and God is the essence of the Gospel (Matt. 22: 37-40).

Do what you know.

My doctrine is not mine,

but his that sent me.

 If any man will do his will,

he shall know of the doctrine,

whether it be of God,

or whether I speak of myself.(John 7: 16-17) 

This missionary message neither requires that the listener change her beliefs nor her actions: there is no need to accept another’s authority or doctrine before receiving testimony from God.

It asks instead that she withhold judgment while immersing herself in doing what the Lord has already taught her. Testimony is obtained by living the principles that God has already confirmed.

One in Thee

All things shall work together for your good; a continuing confirmation that you are exactly who and what the Lord needs in every when and where of life: He is the how and why.

Predicated on personal standards: if ye walk uprightly, search diligently, pray always, and be believing,

and social standards: and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another.

D&C 90: 24

Living it Up

Heavenly mansions will not be privately owned islands of isolation, but publically owned (Acts 4: 32) plots in the City united by Christ’s love (Moses 7: 18).

Living in the world...

The commandment to love my neighbors (Matt. 22: 39) is not suspended until I move into a Zion enclave. 

nor fear of death

It was not expedient that man should be reclaimed from this temporal death,

for that would destroy the great plan of happiness. (Alma 42: 8)

Death is a crucial ingredient in the plan of happiness. Baptism is a symbol of death. Repentance is a kind of death: cutting off actions and identity to become a new person.

Sometimes I cling to my mortal self, scared that tomorrow I won't be the same person that I am today. Fear of death holds me back from repentance.

The Atonement’s blessings will flow as freely as I overcome that fear: “whoso layeth down his life for my sake shall find it again.”(D&C 103: 27)

Weight lifting

as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God,

and to be called his people,

and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;

Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn;

yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort,

and to stand as witnesses of God

at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death,

that ye may be redeemed of God,

and be numbered with those of the first resurrection,

that ye may have eternal life—Mosiah 18: 8-9

How can I let the Spirit infiltrate my heart further, so that I desire to pick up another’s burden, rather than looking at it and thinking “Gosh that looks heavy. I’m glad I don’t have to carry that!”?

That they may be one....

I would that ye should be

steadfast and immovable,

always abounding in good works,

that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his,

that you may be brought to heaven,

that ye may have everlasting salvation and eternal life,

through the wisdom, and power, and justice, and mercy

of him who created all things,

in heaven and in earth,

who is God above all. Amen. (Mosiah 5: 15)

I was using this as a prayer yesterday: silently mouthing it as I directed my thoughts to different members of my class, including my professor, whom I’ve had a hard time loving in the past.

dust

O Lord, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand. (Isa. 64: 8)

glorifying work

 For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. (Moses 1: 39)

Sometimes bringing to pass my neighbor’s immortality is the last thing I want to do. I’ve gotta change that.

Love of the world...

It’s not enough to leave Babylon behind, Nineveh to be destroyed (Jonah 1), or Lamanites to dwindle in unbelief (Alma 17: 13-14). The Father has not left earth behind, despite superlative wickedness (2 Ne. 10: 3). With the commandment to “Go ye out from among the nations, even from Babylon” (D&C 133: 14) comes the commandment “Go ye into all the world, and teach all nations, and preach the gospel to every creature” (Matt. 28: 19, Mark 16: 15), until “all the nations of the earth be blessed”( Gen. 26: 4).

God so loved the world… How much do I love the world? (John 3: 16)

“The Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them” (Moses 7:18)

We will become of one heart and one mind as we individually place the Savior at the center of our lives - Elder D Todd Christofferson, Come to Zion, Ensign November 2008.

As spokes on a wheel run toward the center for support and direction: if Christ is the center of my life then each piece of my life should refer back to His example for support and guidance. How often do I think of him? There is power in the simple act of thinking of him - even in that moment temptations begin to release their grip, and the right way begins to be discernible. I must find ways to remember him throughout the day, and in everything I do.

I am not ashamed...

The woman at the well wore a low cut shirt and ripped up jeans, bare midriff and tarnished bellybutton ring, cigarette in hand. She looks tired, but “That’s just the way life is, Hun”. She takes a drag, and Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink.

Experience

Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. (John 3: 3)

When I am born again, I promise to live as Christ lived.

The way that I live is partly because I’ve been on the other side. If I imagine experiencing what He experienced, being like Him will be more intuitive.

I can imagine myself growing up as a foreigner in Egypt, a refugee.

I can imagine myself mocked and whispered about as an illegitimate child.

I can imagine myself warning friends that foxes have holes, but I have no home.

Least of what?

Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. (Matt. 25: 40)

“Man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”(1 Sam. 16: 7) Strive to serve those who measure least in your heart: those whom you are most tempted to “set at naught” (Hel. 12: 6).

Sufferer's Prayer

He went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt. (Matt. 26: 39)

“Father, I’m not doing this for me: I’m doing it for you. It’s not what I was expecting, but I’ll do whatever needs to be done.”

Beyond friendship

Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God. (Matt. 16: 16)

Thou hast the words of eternal life. (John 6: 68)

Usually I think of Christ as a close friend. That portrays His intimate knowledge of my life, but ignores His authority. I love Him because He loves me (1 Jn. 4: 19), and obey Him because He knows Best.

Appointed...the bounds of their habitation

No person will come into my life “save they shall be brought by the hand of the Lord” (2 Ne. 1: 6). Whether they bring wrath or peace, “God is his own interpreter, and he will make it plain.”(Hymns #285)

Hungry?

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. (Matt. 5: 6) Sometimes I hunger and thirst after flaws, supposedly to improve them. The Lord’s promise is that if I look for everything that everyone is doing right, I will “delight in fatness”(2 Ne. 9: 51).

That we...

O God, the Eternal Father,

we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ,

to bless and sanctify this bread 

to the souls of all of us who partake of it,

  that we may eat in remembrance 

          of the body of thy Son,

     and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that 

     we are willing to

  take upon us the name of thy Son, and

          always remember him and

          keep his commandments which he has given us;

     that we may always have his Spirit to be with us. Amen.

      •  •  •

O God, the Eternal Father,

we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ,

to bless and sanctify this wine 

to the souls of all of us who drink of it,

     that we may do it in remembrance 

          of the blood of thy Son,

  which was shed for us;

     that we may witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father,

  that we do always remember him,

     that we may have his Spirit to be with us. Amen. 

(D&C 20: 77, 79)

May Sacrament worship go past worries about the state of each’s own soul and reach out to everybody: help us remember together, help us repent together, help us witness together, and help us have Thy Spirit with us together.